Det är Fredrik-tid

För det första: Det hade varit en ganska lång dag.

Vi skulle åka på semester, så vi gick upp klockan fyra och körde till flygplatsen. Och jag hade inte sovit så mycket eftersom jag packade bilen klockan elva kvällen före, eftersom jag tydligen tycker att det är ”skönt att ha det gjort”, eftersom jag tydligen har blivit min pappa.

Och sen bråkade barnen.

Och sen kom vi till flygplatsen, och jag blir ganska stressad på flygplatser eftersom det känns som ett jätterörigt cocktailparty där alla dömer mig och jag är rädd för att göra fel hela tiden. Och jag får aldrig ner barnvagnen ordentligt i den där lilla plastpåsen, det känns som den där gången när jag var ganska full på Roskildefestivalen i slutet av 1990-talet och slog vad med en dansk kille om att jag kunde få in ett iglootält i ett annat iglootält.

Och sen bråkade barnen.

Och sen hamnade vi ett par rader bakom en familj på planet som oavbrutet kommunicerade med varandra som om de höll tal på ett bröllop där alla gästerna satt på andra sidan ett vattenfall.

Och sen bråkade barnen.

Och sen kom vi fram till hotellet. Och då badade vi. Och sen badade vi igen. Och sen hoppade vi studsmatta. Och sen badade vi igen.

Och sen bråkade barnen.

Och sen var det minidisco och sen spelade vi det jättestora schackspelet. Och sen bråkade barnen.

Och sen gick vi hem till hotellrummet och kollade på Frost tre gånger för vi har ju bara SEX MILJONER ANDRA FILMER PÅ DATORN. Och sen?

Sen?

Vet ni vad som hände sen?

Sen somnade barnen.

De.

Somn.

Ade.

Och jag kände mig som han i Shawshank Redemption som blir utsläppt efter att ha tillbringat hela sitt liv i fängelse och inte vet hur fan han ska hantera friheten. Jag bara irrade omkring. Och irrande gör mig väldigt hungrig. Så då gick jag ner till restaurangen och köpte pommes frites .

Mannen som serverade dem hade Olof Mellberg-skägg tätt som illerpäls hela vägen upp till ögonfransarna. Han gav mig tre olika sorters dippsås och jag tittade på honom och tänkte att han förstod mig. Jag skulle kunna börja ett nytt liv med honom. Vi skulle kunna flytta till havet och öppna en bed & breakfast och hitta oss själva. Men sen kom det en annan kund och då gick jag tillbaka till hotellrummet och åt mina pommes frites på balkongen.

De var fantastiska. Det var som om någon friterat en ängel.

Men jag var som sagt väldigt trött, för det hade som sagt varit en väldigt lång dag, så jag ställde inte mina såsburkar på en rad från höger till vänster. Jag ställde dem mer på en rad ”härifrån och bortåt”. Så när jag doppade pommes fritesen i såsen längst bort insåg jag plötsligt att om jag skulle lyfta pommes fritesen ÖVER de två andra såserna så skulle det droppa sås från första såsen i de andra såserna. Och det skulle paja hela såsen. Så jag bestämde mig blixtsnabbt, eftersom jag är något av en kobraninjapanter i de här situationerna, för att resa mig och luta mig fram över bordet så mycket jag kunde och liksom vinkla armbågen så långt åt sidan som det gick och sträcka ut hakan riktigt ordentligt, så att jag liksom skulle kunna sträcka mig med överkroppen över de två andra såserna på ett sådant sätt att jag nådde pommes fritesen med munnen utan att såsen droppade i såserna. Jag missade de första två gångerna. Men på tredje försöket lyckades jag.

Jag lyckades.

Efter allt som hänt den här dagen, allt jag tagit mig igenom som människa, så LYCKADES jag med det här. Jag nådde pommes fritesen. Det var akrobatik i klass med de där som springer runt med snören i OS, fast med kolhydrater och transfetter. Det kom inte en droppe sås i såsen. Jag sjönk samman på min stol, tuggade, sträckte ut armarna, och bara…andades.

Och vad gör min fru då? Kvinnan som är mitt livs ljus? Hon som ser mitt hjärta och känner min själ?

Hon höjde ögonbrynen, såg väldigt, väldigt oroad ut, och mumlade: ”Fredrik…lekte du precis ’här kommer flygplanet’ med dig själv?”.

697 kommentarer

  3. Åååh, efter en hyfsat miserabel helg moopar jag mig in på din sida och förväntar mig att se rubriken ”take me out to the ball game” men möts av fyra (!) nya inlägg.
    Tack för att ljuset i tunneln just glimrade till!

    Välkommen tillbaka!

    P.s. Jag åt horribla pommes idag… 🙁

  6. Det är så förlösande och underbart härligt med denna igenkänning kring att barnen bråkar på senestern. Allas gör det men få vågar erkänna det. Egentid på balkongen med pommes frites är banne mig inte fet sämsta :-D!

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